Elliott at 103 - Still Going Strong

Elliott at 103 – Still Going Strong

This has been quite a week for Elliott.  First, he turned 103 years old.  Surrounded by family and friends, he celebrated with a birthday cake (sans candles).  But that was just the beginning.  He also graduated, not once, but twice – first from occupational therapy, and then from physical therapy.  I am so proud of my husband for demonstrating his commitment to an exercise program of walking and weight training.  

Elliott checking his oxygen midway through a neighborhood walk

Finally, to cap off the week, Elliott started “day camp” at the Little River Glen Senior Center.  Getting my camper ready to leave the house brought back memories of getting Elisa and Matthew off to school:  Hurry up and finish your breakfast.  Do you have your wallet with ID?  Did you remember your lunch money?  Maybe he was a little nervous at first, but there were no tears.  

 

Arriving at "camp" - the Little River Glen Senior Center

As I expected, Ellliot was warmly welcomed by the staff, volunteers, and other campers, who were amazed to learn his age.  Also as I expected, he received a lot of attention from the women.  One in particular latched onto Elliott as soon as she spied him.  It’s a good thing I’m not the jealous type.  

It’s such a relief that Elliott was willing to try this new experience.  He really needed to get out of the house for a few hours at a time, and he has always enjoyed being around other people.  I investigated county facilities for seniors while he was in rehab and this center seemed like the perfect solution.  It’s a bright and cheerful place, open weekdays from 9 am to 4 pm, with plenty of activities and trips, in addition to a well-equipped fitness room.  My hope is that Elliott will attend the center a couple of days a week.  The county even provides transportation for a dollar a day, round-trip, if we want to use that service in the future.  

While Elliott was in camp, I used my few “free” hours to run errands, eat lunch, and enjoy some time alone in the house.  It seemed eerily quiet without the hum of the oxygen concentrator.  On Friday, I managed to squeeze in a quick trip to Workhouse to pick up some of the fused glass pieces that were recently fired.  These include the photo transfer pieces, the “puddles,” and the pot melt.  I’ll try to post photos to the glass blog soon.  It takes me half a hour to drive to Workhouse, and I feel like I'm in another world as soon as I arrive.  I know the buildings formerly housed a prison, but it feels more like a monastery.  And there's something so bucolic about the setting that always calms me down. 

A typical afternoon at the Workhouse Arts Center

Matt and Elliott had a boys’ night on Saturday – burgers and sweet potato fries from Smashburger – while I went into DC for a National Symphony Orchestra concert at the Kennedy Center with my step-daughter, Debbie, who is visiting from Texas.  It was a great program, called Rhythms of the Americas, featuring Gershwin’s Cuban Overture, Bernstein’s Symphonic Dances from West Side Story, short works by two Latin American composers (Ginastera and Estévez), and a new concerto for steel pan and orchestra by American composer Andy Akiho.  A young guest conductor from Venezuela, Manuel Lopez-Gomez, led the NSO in an exciting and exhilarating performance. 

We’ve also started a new project here at home:  researching generators.  Knowing that we often lose power during summer storms, I thought it would be a good idea to have a back-up power source for Elliott’s oxygen concentrator.  I started looking into this last week and Elliott is now involved.  His research style is much more thorough than mine, so I imagine the project will keep him busy for quite a while.  We welcome suggestions from anyone who has experience with generators.   

Birthday Party Report

While Elliott’s recovering from his birthday party celebration, I’ll give a quick report and share some photos.  Although the moon bounce didn’t arrive, the party was a great success.  We welcomed about 25 guests over the course of two hours this afternoon.  The vanilla cake with buttercream frosting (Elliott’s special request) was delicious – all the credit goes to Wegman’s bakery.  Elliott was in top form, entertaining us with stories of his past, and impressing everyone with his energy.  As I expected, he began to droop around 3 p.m. and headed back to bed for his afternoon nap.  Not bad for a 103-year-old!  

We have lots of leftover cake.  If you’re in the area, please stop by and help us eat it. 

Marshall, Robin, Elliott, Debbie, Matt

Approaching 103

Elliott works out with weights at home.

As Elliott approaches his 103^rd birthday, he’s getting stronger but, at the same time, we’re grappling with some difficult issues.  I thought I was getting used to the simple life.  For the past couple of weeks, I’ve scaled back my expectations of what I could accomplish, eliminated the “extras” from my daily schedule, and focused on meeting our basic needs.  For me, that was 8 hours of sleep a night, 3 healthy meals a day, and a daily 30-minute walk.  For Elliott – well, I won’t subject you to a litany of what’s involved in his care.  Suffice it to say that I was starting to feel drained, psychologically and emotionally more than physically.  And the demands seem to grow, rather than shrink, as he recovers.  For example, now that his walking has improved, he wants to go out for a walk everyday.  He can’t walk alone – at least, according to me, he shouldn’t walk alone.  (According to Elliott, there’s no reason why he can’t go out alone for a walk, even if it involves crossing a major thoroughfare.) 

Walking Elliott is a time-consuming affair that requires lengthy preparation.  When the weather was fine recently, I walked him outside.  But last week, we had some unseasonably hot and humid days.  Even in the early morning hours, exercise was unsuitable for someone with respiratory problems.  On two occasions, I drove him to a nearby Target, where we walked the aisles.  This morning, I took him for a walk at Fair Oaks Mall.  While I’m glad he wants to walk to stay fit, I don’t necessarily want to devote my entire morning to this activity.  I’ve seen ads for dog walkers.  Do you think I can advertise for an Elliott walker?

Who cares if it's too hot to walk outside when you can walk at Target!

One evening last week, after he’d gone to bed, I sat down and wondered if I was losing contact with the outside world, except for Elliott’s therapists and doctors.  It took a while to recall when I’d last gotten together with a friend for lunch or a movie.  I couldn’t even remember when I last went into DC.  Museum visits, concerts, evening activities?  All are part of the distant past.  Nowadays, when people invite me to a get-together, I automatically decline. 

After careful consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that full-time Elliott-care is way too much for me to handle on my own, without risking my own physical and mental health.  I hereby withdraw my application for sainthood – it’s time to seek some help.  I’m currently considering a few options, which include hiring someone to come in a few days a week or asking Marshall to provide coverage a few days a week on a regular basis.  We also have a county senior center located a few minutes from the house.  They provide transportation, and he could stay there from 9 a.m. until 4 p.m.  Of course, it’s not just daytime hours that I’m concerned about.  I want to make sure that a responsible person is available to provide care for Elliott when I’m out of town, especially since I anticipate spending a lot of time in New York with Elisa, once the baby is born. 

Convincing Elliott that I need help is going to be a challenge.  We’ve already had a couple of conversations about the subject and he has a different perspective on the situation.  As far as he’s concerned, I’m available and he doesn’t need anyone else to help him, although he might grudgingly accept another family member taking my place.  He doesn’t want to be treated like an invalid.  He assured me that if he were home alone and he wanted to go somewhere, he’d simply walk (a mile or so to Trader Joe’s, for example) or take a taxi. Somehow, this doesn’t reassure me.    

Yesterday, for the first time in weeks, I went to the Workhouse Arts Center for open studio.  I even agonized about taking the time to go down there for the afternoon.  I had to overcome the sense of guilt about doing something purely for my own enjoyment.  Once I started working on my fused glass, however, I felt liberated, and fantasized about not going back home.  (By the way, there are some new photos of recycled glass in my glass blog.)  Below are two works in progress.

As Elliott and I work through this new phase in our lives, I’m trying to enjoy the time we spend together.  I’m also consciously reaching out to friends and family members so I won’t feel so isolated.  One thing I keep reminding myself:  I’ll be a better caregiver to Elliott when I’m taking better care of myself.

The Comeback Kid

More remarkable progress to report:  Elliott had only been home for three days when he ventured outside to take a walk.  With his physical therapist by his side, he walked along our street for about 10 minutes, rested briefly, and then walked back to the house.  It may not seem like a major milestone, but it was his first real walk in well over a month.  Since that day, I’ve taken Elliott out on a daily basis for a walk in the neighborhood.  He has increased his total walking time to nearly 25 minutes, moving along at a steady pace.  I’m truly impressed by his determination to get back to his former level of activity.  In addition to walking, he’s doing an exercise routine with free weights three days a week.  At this rate, he’ll end up in better shape than he was a year ago!  

Out for a morning promenade

As we focus on building up his strength and endurance, we’re keeping his activities low-key – no dining out, house projects, or wild parties.  Aside from going to medical appointments, he spends his time at home.  Afternoon naps are de rigueur, as are three healthy meals a day (Elliott liked the tofu burgers!) and an early bedtime.

I’m settling into the new rhythm of life with Elliott.  One of the ongoing challenges is keeping the clutter under control.  Actually, I’ve accepted that a certain amount of clutter in the house is inevitable.  Because Elliott needs things within easy reach, there’s Elliott-paraphernalia everywhere I look.  There are tissue boxes, timers, water bottles, magnifiers, Werther’s candies, empty candy wrappers, urinals, and overflowing trash receptacles on every surface and in every room of the house. And then there’s the 25-foot-long bright green plastic tubing for his oxygen that snakes from room to room.  I trip over it at least once a day, and it’s certainly a miracle that Elliott manages to keep from getting tangled up in it. 

I just realized that his 103^rd birthday, May 25, is in less than two weeks.  We haven’t made any plans, and probably won’t do very much this year.  Even a party at home might be too much, as we don’t want to expose him to a large number of people (because of the germs).  While we appreciate the desire of many family and friends to share in the celebration of this event, we hope you’ll understand.  If you want to call, send a card or an email message, Elliott would be very grateful.  For those who are in the area, feel free to stop by for a brief visit over the Memorial Day weekend, any day between 1:00 and 3:00 p.m.  I’ll offer you a piece of birthday cake.  No candles, however – oxygen in use. 

In other elder-care news, I celebrated Mother’s Day with my mother, Katie, last Sunday.  Greenspring’s assisted living unit hosted a brunch for the residents and Katie was the first in line at the buffet.  I guess my love of food is hereditary!

Homecoming

Thursday evening, 8:30 p.m.  It’s quiet in the house now, except for the regular sigh of the oxygen concentrator.  Elliott has gotten into bed.  I’ve written out tomorrow’s to-do list, so now I can relax for a couple of hours.  Stress before bedtime is to be avoided at all costs.  It’s taken us a mere two days to get back into the old routines after Elliott’s return from rehab. Of course I’m happy to have him back at home, too, but I’m aware that my “living alone mini-vacation” has come to an end.  Once again, there are three daily meals to prepare, compression socks to wash out nightly, medications to keep track of around the clock, doctors’ appointments to schedule, etc.  The first 24 hours were hard for me, but I’ve settled into my familiar role of caregiver. 

Not surprisingly, Elliott is thrilled to be home again.  Right away, he re-established his domain in the family room, with all of his supplies within easy reach.  He can linger over his multi-course, cooked-to-order breakfast; he can sit in a comfortable chair and watch The Price is Right and Wheel of Fortune on TV; or he can gaze out the window at the deer nibbling the brilliant pink azaleas.   

Elliott raved about the food in rehab, but he’s delighted with the meals I’ve prepared for him, even though they don’t include mashed potatoes and gravy.  Here’s a photo from the dinner table tonight. 

  

  

He isn’t back to his pre-illness weight or strength yet, but Elliott still gets around the house quite well on his own.  Before he came home, I was afraid he might require 24-hour-a-day supervision, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.  He’ll get about 3 weeks of physical therapy and occasional therapy at home, as well as occasional visits from a nurse.  Otherwise, we’ve basically resumed life as it was before he had the pneumonia scare, which is pretty miraculous.  I guess it’s safe to start planning his 103^rd birthday celebration.