Catching Up

March 31, 2016 – Catching Up

So, how am I doing?  I think I’m doing just fine, thank you.  The adjustment to life on my own hasn’t been difficult at all.  Sure, there are plenty of times when I think of Elliott, but he had gradually receded from so many of my everyday activities over the past several years that the change doesn’t feel very abrupt.  I’m still experiencing a slight sense of disorientation.  My sense of time is a bit warped, which is understandable, as I lost three or four months out of my “normal” life while Elliott was in and out of the hospital and then receiving hospice care at home. 

During the month of March, there were countless details to attend to – updating accounts, contacting government agencies, etc.  All of this took much more time than I ever imagined and I’m not finished yet.  Social Security and the government’s Office of Personnel Management operate at an incredibly slow pace, which is creating some stress for me as I wait for my income to resume. 

Life is simpler in many ways now.  Meals don’t require nearly as much planning or preparation.  At first, I was eating mainly salads, grilled veggies, and the occasional piece of fish or chicken, i.e. nothing fancy.  Lately, though, I’ve started to miss more elaborate cooking.  It may be time to inaugurate a weekly dinner party for friends. 

My family and friends have given me tremendous support and comfort as I make this major transition in my life.  My calendar is filled with lunches and dinners out with.  I’ve already made one trip up to New York to see Elisa, Christian and Sylvie and we plan to get together at least once a month.  In addition, we have Facetime visits nearly every day.  

I’m back to Pilates and Zumba classes at the gym, back to my art history class at George Mason, and back to the Workhouse to finish up some fused glass projects.  Once I start working in the studio, I lose track of time.  The hours fly by, and when I finally call it quits for the day, I think back to Elliott and how he turned to art as a full-time occupation after he retired from the government.  Once again, he’s serving as my role model. 

After postponing travel for so long, I’d like to start planning some trips. I hope to get to Europe sometime in 2016.  Budapest, southern Spain, and Ireland are high on my list of places to visit.  Of course, there are also places in the U.S. that interest me, such as New Mexico, Colorado, and Vermont.  When I was single, I did a lot of solo traveling so I don’t mind going off on my own.  However, if anyone is interested in joining me, please let me know. 

Cherry blossoms at Meadowlark Gardens in Vienna, Virginia

Locally, there’s plenty to see and do in the DC area.  I had a very enjoyable day strolling through Meadowlark Botanical Gardens and viewing the cherry blossoms with my friend Kathy last week.  Earlier today, I took a long walk in the Capitol Hill area with my step-grandson, Darren, passing several DC landmarks on our way from Union Station to Eastern Market.  In addition, I spent a delightful day in Georgetown a couple of weeks ago in the company of Elisa, Christian, Sylvie and friends Caroline and Brian.  We had a unique dining experience at a Chinese tea house called Ching Ching Cha where we sat on the floor, which was perfect for Sylvie! 

Finally, I find myself indulging in compulsive de-cluttering and organizing around the house.  The goal is to get rid of as much extraneous stuff as possible.  I’m tackling one room at a time and at the moment, I’m dealing with one of the biggest challenges – the office where we had multiple overflowing file cabinets and several large boxes filled with “important” papers.  I’ve already made a lot of progress sorting through the thirty-plus years of documents related to medical care, finances, appliances we no longer own, etc.  Probably 80% of the papers ended up in the recycle pile or shred pile.  As soon as I can find someone strong enough to help, I’m going to haul our 5-drawer file cabinet out to the dump.  Of course, I need to master the art of electronic record keeping to avoid a future build-up of documents. 

Rest assured that I have not fallen into a state of depression.  I’m keeping Elliott’s spirit alive by embracing life and being grateful for every moment. 

And now, I must go to bed since I’m subbing tomorrow.

Remembering Elliott

March 8, 2016 – Remembering Elliott

at home on February 19, 2016

One week ago, we held a memorial service for Elliott at our synagogue, Beth El Hebrew Congregation in Alexandria, Virginia.  The previous day, when planning the service with Elisa and the rabbi, I initially didn’t think I’d be able to give a eulogy.  I’d never given one before and I doubted that I’d be able to retain my composure during such an emotional time.  Then the rabbi asked me to tell him about Elliott.  That wasn’t hard for me at all.  There is so much I can tell others about the remarkable man I was married to for more than 32 years.  When I was finished talking, the rabbi said, “That’s exactly what you should say at the service.”  So, with Elisa’s help, I stayed up late and drafted the following remarks.  When it came time to speak before the assembled family members and friends, Elisa accompanied me to the bimah and stood beside me as I spoke these words:

Thank you all so much for being here today to remember Elliott.  He was a very special man, special to so many people, in so many different ways.  To me Elliott was friend, lover, husband, my Viking hero, and my role model.  I’ve never known anyone who embraced life more than he did. 

From an early age, he had a tremendous sense of adventure – stealing watermelons out of the farmer’s field in DC at age six, playing hide and seek among the tombstones in Congressional Cemetery.  When he was 14, he told his mother he was going out to take a walk and ended up hitch-hiking to Florida.  In his early 40s, he took a government position in Paris although he didn’t speak a word of French and instantly fell in love with the city as his taxi from the airport sped across the Place de la Concorde. 

At age 71, he had mapped out his retirement plans to spend his remaining years painting in the South of France.  But he quickly changed course when he met a much younger woman standing in line at Orly Airport.  Little did he know that he’d be married three months later and would be starting a new family. 

But Elliott was also a very practical person.  He prided himself on his problem-solving ability.  He’d never hire someone to do a job he could do himself – even if he shouldn’t, such as replacing the ceiling light fixture in the kitchen, which resulted in a fall off the ladder and drilling through his hand.  In typical fashion, he cleaned up all the blood and then drove himself to the hospital before I came home from work. 

You could also see his practical, analytical mind in his art.  While continuing his budget work for the U.S. government in Paris in the 1950s, he was also studying painting at a French art academy.  His art would later evolve in the direction of geometric abstract.  He carefully planned out his paintings with meticulous measurements and mathematically based patterns. 

Part of the secret to Elliott’s long and happy life was never acting his age.  Elliott never felt old.  He always had friends decades younger, especially during the time he taught at the Corcoran School of Art.  In his 70s, he was driving the pre-school carpool and in his 80s and 90s, he was traveling around the world.  When he turned 99, I finally convinced him to stop climbing up the ladder to clean out the gutters.  But the day before his 100^th birthday, he was out there mowing the lawn in 90-something degree weather.  However, he loved asking strangers to guess his age and found it hilarious when they were wrong by a couple of decades – he even told a waitress that Elisa was his wife when they were out having dinner one night. 

Elliott always valued his family and friends.  His relationships brought him great joy throughout his life.  Even as he came to terms with his own physical decline over the past several months, he took special delight in his grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  He leaves us all with wonderful memories of someone who lived life to the fullest.