The New Normal

January 24, 2015 – The New Normal

The past couple of weeks have been some of the most challenging in recent memory.  Elliott’s condition seems to change from day to day and I’m constantly making adjustments to my schedule to accommodate his need for more and more attention.  Being on call 24/7 is stressful, and I’m trying to line up a support network for times when I won’t want to leave him unattended.  Right now, I’m able to get away for a few hours at a time.  My main refuges are the gym and the glass studio. 

Since he can’t do much (or doesn’t believe he can do much), he has become very frustrated.  On occasion, he expresses annoyance, resentment or even anger, especially when I come back from doing something for myself.  I try not to take his outbursts too personally.  He has a right to feel sorry for himself, but if he accuses me of not giving him enough attention, I refuse to feel guilty.  Sainthood is not in my future. 

As much as possible, I am maintaining the activities that keep me mentally and physically healthy.  At the same time, realizing that Elliott can’t get out as much, I’ll try to make his restricted world more interesting.  I’ll invite friends and family over to the house for lunch and dinner more often.  I’ll encourage neighbors to simply drop by for short visits.  I’ll get a larger screen television (Marshall’s suggestion) so he doesn’t have to sit right in front of the screen.  I’ve contacted a friend who’s trained in massage therapy to come and give Elliott a geriatric massage to ease his back pain.  Ideally, Elliott would like to resume his former lifestyle.  But, as he said to Joel on the phone today, “Mentally I’m fine, but physically I can’t do a damn thing.” 

I managed to lift his spirits temporarily with some Entenmann’s baked goods (a special request), as you can see in the photo below.  

Elliott with Entenmann's raspberry twist danish

Being Elliott, however, he still manages to get into trouble, especially when I’m not around.  One day this week, I came home from running errands to find him sitting calmly reading the newspaper at the table in the family room.  However, I immediately asked him why one leg of his pants was covered with large splotches of blood.  His explanation was pretty vague – he bumped into something in the garage a couple of hours ago.  Ignoring his lack of concern, I lifted his pants leg and peeled down the compression sock he was wearing.  Just what I feared:  an open wound on his shin.  Without the compression sock, the blood started flowing and, within seconds, there was a large puddle on the floor.  I switched into Nurse Robin mode, assembled all the necessary medical supplies, and bandaged Elliott up like an old pro.   I thought of telling him not to go down to the garage when he’s home alone, but it probably wouldn’t do any good.  He can manage to get into trouble anywhere, at anytime.      

The week ended with a gathering of The Elliott Fan Club at the home of neighbors Ellen and Michael.  Here’s a photo of the superstar and a few of his numerous female fans.  I’ve nicknamed them the Elli-ettes.  It’s a good thing their husbands aren’t jealous.  I suppose Elliott is one of those men whom women want to be with, and other men want to be like.  As soon as we got home from the exciting evening out, I had to connect him to his oxygen concentrator.  Today, he spent most of today in bed, recovering.  

Elliott and 3 Elli-ettes (Sue, Ellen and Anne)

I'm Elliott's biggest fan.

Elli-ette Tina and Elliott

Discharged!!

January 14, 2015 – Discharged!!

I’m happy to report that we’re down to a single patient in the Thompson Rehabilitation Center.  Marshall was discharged late last week from our facility.  Although he still has some pain from the bruises to his ribs, it seemed to me that ten days of coddling was enough.  At first, I tried a gentle nudge, suggesting that he might be less bored at home, but when that didn’t produce any acknowledgement, I was forced to use a more direct approach, i.e. “What groceries should I pick up for you before I drive you back to Arlington tomorrow?” 

Fortunately, Marshall didn’t resist the idea.  He simply hadn’t thought of it.  (Why are men so clueless?)  Even without the home-cooked meals, he’s probably much happier back in his own apartment, where his television screen is at least twice the size of ours.  Of course, we assured him that we’re always available to help if he needs anything. 

So now we’re adjusting to having the house back to ourselves.  I’m definitely more relaxed, especially in the kitchen.  I’m not putting any pressure on myself to serve an elaborate dinner every evening.  However, we’re still eating well, and I’m making sure Elliott gets three nourishing meals a day and plenty of calories.  I guess I’ve been successful because he’s put on about ten pounds in the past month or so.  Grilled cheese sandwiches at lunchtime, extra raisins and brown sugar in his morning oatmeal, and cookies along with his nightly ice cream are partially responsible.  And remarkably, I’ve been able to lose about five pounds in the same amount of time, by avoiding all the “Elliott” food.  

Also on a positive note, Elliott’s medical condition has improved.  The round-the-clock pain medication schedule keeps him fairly comfortable most of the time although his back pain never goes away completely.  He still has occasional breathing problems but the episodes aren’t as frequent as they were a week ago.  At least we now have an oxygen concentrator for those times when he struggles to catch his breath.  

Just in case Elliott needs it, we have an oxygen concentrator.

I’ve been using some of my time in the new year to go through the masses of art work and art supplies that we moved out to the garage prior to the downstairs remodeling.  We had emptied out a large storage closet and an entire ten-drawer flat file.  Looking through the stacks of paper (pencil sketches, charcoal drawings, pastels, colored pencil drawings, collages, etc.), I could hardly believe that I’d kept nearly every piece of art that I’d produced during the past thirty years.  For so long, I couldn’t bear the thought of parting with any of it.  But I no longer feel emotionally invested in it.  I’m able to look at it dispassionately, see how I’ve progressed, and then set aside a few of the better pieces.  The rest ends up in the recycling bin.  The process has left me feeling liberated – shed of my past and ready to go on and create more (and better?) things, such as the fused glass I’m now doing.  

One of several fused glass works in progress

One pleasant surprise – I uncovered a stack of Elliott’s papers, consisting of designs, ink drawings and templates related to his “Z” series.  We’ll save those for the Thompson archives.  A recent article in The Washington Post raised questions about the fate of many of the art works in the Corcoran’s collection.  It made me wonder what will happen to the paintings Elliott gifted to that institution many years ago.  It’s a shame that the Corcoran’s record-keeping was so haphazard.  As a result, there’s no accurate inventory of the works in their collection. 

It seems inevitable that even as I was disposing of stuff, I was accumulating more.  We now have two scales – at least until I get rid of the old battered metal one, which is no longer very accurate.  The new scale is a sparkly digital model that I’m happy to step on every morning.  Another new high-tech item is a countertop convection oven/toaster that does an excellent job baking Elliott’s croissants in the morning.  Consequently, the old toaster oven is looking for a new home. 

And then there are my brand new rabbit-y fire shoes.  Rabbit-y fire shoes?  Yes, that’s what I thought they were called.  My brother mentioned his fabulous new walking shoes during one of our phone chats about a month ago.  In his usual speed-talking way, he raved about how great they were (rabbit-y fire, the best shoes ever!, blah, blah, blah).  Right after our conversation, I went to the computer to Google these amazing shoes, but my searches just kept turning up photos of cute bunnies.  Well, it turned out my brother was actually saying “gravity defyer.”  (Say it really fast, and I assure you that it sounds like rabbit-y fire.)  Once the name problem was solved, I ordered a pair of Gravity Defyer shoes for myself.  They’re very comfortable and quite springy in the heels.  So springy, in fact, that I’m now bouncing rabbit-like around the streets of northern Virginia.  

A Rocky Start to the New Year

January 5, 2015 – A Rocky Start to the New Year

This tells you what my new year has been like.

At times these past few days, I’ve felt as if I’m running the Thompson Convalescent Center.  The first patient, Elliott, has been experiencing increasing difficulty breathing for the past few weeks.  He seemed to get tired from relatively minor exertion and spent much of his time in a horizontal position. To make matters worse, one of his hearing aids broke about a week ago and had to be sent out for repair. 

When Elliott is forced to curtail his activities, his appetite plummets, and he becomes understandably cranky and demanding.  His respiratory condition worsened over the weekend, when a simple walk from the bed to the bathroom resulted in several minutes of panting and gasping for air.  I was so concerned that I suggested taking him to the emergency room right away.  It didn’t surprise me when he refused to go.  However, as soon as he got up on Monday morning, he called and made an appointment to see his pulmonologist (lung specialist) the same day.  

The doctor examined him and found no cause for major concern.  While Elliott’s blood oxygen level was lower than it usually is, he showed no sign of pneumonia.  It seemed to be a simple flare-up of his COPD, which can occur from time to time.  Elliott started on a 10-day course of prednisone and is still taking it easy.  We’ve also ordered an oxygen concentrator, a piece of equipment that extracts oxygen from the air and delivers it to the patient through small plastic prongs placed in the nostrils.  In the event that Elliott experiences shortness of breath again, he’ll be able to supplement his oxygen intake and reduce his stress level. 

In addition to his breathing problems, Elliott has been suffering from back pain.  At times, it was so bad that it immobilized him.  This is probably due to the resistance he developed to his pain medication.  The only way to alleviate his pain now is to take the painkillers more often.  After some experimentation, he finally came up with a schedule that seems to work.  It requires taking pain pills six times within a 24-hour period, including at 4 o’clock in the morning.  Since he’s afraid he’ll forget to take a pill, I have five reminders set on my phone.  At least for the 4:00 a.m. pill, he came up with brilliant plan that allows me to sleep through the night.  He sets an alarm on his cell phone and sets the phone to vibrate.  When he gets into bed, he puts a glove on one hand and slips the phone into the glove.  He wakes up when it vibrates in the palm of his hand. 

And now for the second patient who’s currently convalescing in our house – Marshall.  My stepson fell on our front steps little over a week ago, and didn’t mention his accident to us at the time it occurred.  He figured the pain in his ribs would go away in a couple of days.  But it didn’t.  In fact, it got so bad that he couldn’t sleep at night.  So last Wednesday (New Year’s Eve), he decided to make an appointment at Kaiser to find out if he’d fractured anything.  Of course, in his condition, he couldn’t drive, so he put in a call to the Thompson Patient Transport Service. 

X-rays showed that Marshall had badly bruised ribs but no broken bones.  The doctor gave him a prescription for a strong painkiller to make him more comfortable.  We were all starving when we finally left Kaiser, so we went out for New Year’s Eve lunch at La Cote d'Or, a charming French restaurant in Falls Church.  Since it’s impossible for Marshall to drive, we suggested that he move in with us until he’s feeling better.  It wasn’t quite the New Year’s Eve I’d been anticipating.  

Mussels with pommes frites for Elliott

A slice of buche de Noel helps Marshall forget his pain.

On New Year’s Day, after caring for the two patients, I was eager to escape from the house – actually, I was desperate to escape from the never-ending football on TV.  I called Matt and asked him to meet me at a new Chinese restaurant in Fairfax.  Hunan Taste purports to serve “authentic” Chinese food in addition to the more familiar Chinese-American favorites.  I’m always interested in trying new types of food, but one look at their menu, and I started to reconsider.  Fish maw (whatever that is), fish head, fish tail, pig ears, ox lung, pig blood, tripe, pork intestines, chicken gizzard, spicy frog, and soft shell turtle didn’t sound very appetizing to me.  Fortunately, I found a delicious vegetable dish (baby bok choy and mushrooms) and a version of Kung Pao chicken that were quite satisfying.  Our friendly server (whose English was extremely limited) must have told the chef to tone down the heat level because the dishes weren’t as spicy as we were expecting.  Matt and I agreed that Hunan Taste is worth a return visit.  

One of the "safer" dishes on the menu at Hunan Taste

Of course, when I came home, the boys were still watching football on TV, and it went on well into the night.  The television has been on almost non-stop since Marshall arrived.  Thanks to Marshall, I now know which channels show classic movies, British comedies and murder mysteries, and English soccer games.  The pain medication gives Marshall some relief, but he still can’t move freely.  Since he has perfected the art of leisure, he seems quite content to spend his days on the sofa. 

As for Elliott, he’s still spending a lot of time napping.  It will take time for him to regain his strength.  I’m trying my best to tempt him to eat a bit more – offering juice, ice cream, cookies, and other calorie-rich goodies throughout the day.  Everyone is on a different schedule when it comes to breakfast and lunch, but we all sit down together to eat a multi-course dinner.  At dinnertime, I feel as if I’m running a restaurant single-handedly.  Some of the items that have been on the menu at Café Thompson in recent days are moussaka (yum!) – along with stuffed grape leaves and Greek salad; split pea soup; roasted beet salad with chevre; flounder fillets with a sauce Aurore over spinach; and braised red cabbage.  About that cabbage dish – it’s so sweet and delicious, I could eat it for dessert.  

This red cabbage is unbelievably delicious.

While I’m enjoying the cooking, I hope Elliott and Marshall will recover soon.  Nurse Robin’s patience is starting to wear thin.