Call Me Grandma

July 29, 2015 – Call Me Grandma

I have a new name.  It’s Grandma Robin, and with it comes a whole new identity and an exciting new world.  Last week, I went up to Brooklyn to meet my new granddaughter, Sylvia Margot.  Exactly one week ago, I was holding her in my arms, gazing into her eyes, and falling hopelessly in love with Miss Sylvie.  Weighing 5 pounds, 6 ounces at birth, she is a tiny doll baby, bringing back memories of Elisa 30 years ago.  Also, like baby Elisa, Sylvie is sweet and cuddly.  Amazingly, over the course of four days, Sylvie became visibly bigger, stronger, and more alert.  Her determination to insert her thumb into her mouth is quite impressive for someone so young.  In case you haven’t yet noticed, I’m totally besotted with my new granddaughter!  

Grandma Robin and Miss Sylvie (1 week old)

When not holding Sylvie, I made myself useful to Elisa and Christian by doing grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, running errands, and doing laundry – all the things new parents are too exhausted to do.  Of course, both of them are still experiencing sleep deprivation and Elisa is recovering from a lengthy (30+ hours) labor.  Nothing can prepare you for the trauma that your body undergoes, and she’s also dealing with blood pressure issues. 

After a wonderful visit with the newest member of the family, it was time to get back home and tend to the oldest member of the family.  With only minimal assistance from Matt and Marshall, Elliott managed quite well during my absence.  In other words, he didn’t have any medical crises, he didn’t starve, and the house was still intact.  While he is proud of his self-sufficiency, he was eager to welcome me home.  I appreciate his thoughtfulness in postponing his next nosebleed until I returned. 

This week is devoted to catching up with appointments, mail, phone calls, bills, groceries, laundry, hair, etc.  I’ve already booked my bus ticket to New York for next week.  In the meantime, Grandma Robin has a request for Elisa and Christian:  Can you please set up a Sylvie Cam for me?

Birthday Surprises

July 16, 2015 – Birthday Surprises

Elliott has never been one to plan birthday celebrations, so I knew it was up to me to come up with an idea for my 65^th this past Tuesday, July 14.  A quick trip to Paris would have been nice, but I forced myself to be realistic.  There was a certain appeal to a couple of days alone in Shenandoah National Park, communing with nature.  However, that would have left Elliott out of the picture.  I finally decided that a quiet, romantic lunch with mon amour at a French restaurant would be the best solution.  (After all, it was Bastille Day as well as my birthday.)

I knew I’d made the right decision when Elliott and I settled into a comfy banquette in Jacques’ Brasserie, the less formal dining room of L’Auberge Chez François in Great Falls.  We both ordered soup to start:  Lobster bisque for Elliott, cream of asparagus (with asparagus picked from the restaurant’s garden) for me.  Elliott chose short ribs of beef braised in pinot noir for his main course while I selected a pan-seared flounder in a beurre blanc sauce.  Both dishes were accompanied by a vegetable garniture of classically turned potatoes and carrots, baby zucchini, golden beets, and delicate haricots verts.  The minute I saw dessert soufflés on the menu, I put in my order right away.  We shared a scrumptious raspberry soufflé, and it was better than any birthday cake.   

The main entrance to L'Auberge Chez François

The raspberry soufflé was a delicious as it looked.

On the terrace of Jacques' Brasserie

It turned out to be the perfect meal, with the perfect companion, for my special birthday.  We were both relaxed and enjoyed reminiscing about the food we’d eaten in France.  Once we finished lunch, however, we had to rush home since we were expecting a repairman to come and fix the air conditioning in the afternoon.  (Yes, we were on our 4^th day without AC!)

This birthday seemed to be going relatively smoothly.  I had opened up a dozen or so birthday cards in the morning.  Facebook and email birthday wishes had arrived throughout the day.  One strange thing was that I hadn’t gotten a birthday phone call from Elisa.  I made all kinds of excuses for this lapse and told myself she’d call around dinnertime.  At 5:00 p.m., the temperature in the house was still at least 80 degrees, but the repairman was downstairs working on the AC system.  Matt and my friend Judy were coming over for a simple birthday dinner (everything cold and prepared ahead of time) so I set out the food while Elliott was taking his nap. 

When he got up from his nap, Elliott didn’t have much of an appetite.  He sat down in the living room while the rest of us started eating.  And then it happened – blood spurting out of his nose, just like on Sunday night.  I jumped up and gathered paper towels, tissues, regular towels and ran over to Elliott.  There were already big splotches of blood on his clothes.  This time, I knew the routine.  I stuffed a decongestant-soaked cotton ball into his left nostril.  I called our doctor and monitored Elliott’s vital signs.  I wiped up blood from the floor and waiting for the bleeding to stop.  

This was enough drama for one evening.  But about 10 minutes into Elliott’s nosebleed, I heard the text message alert on my phone.  From Christian, my son-in-law:  we’ve checked into the hospital for the delivery. 

Well, that explained why I didn’t get a phone call earlier in the day.  It’s hard to think of making phone calls while you’re having contractions.  True, her due date wasn’t until July 25, but I had a feeling the baby would come early.  I could hardly contain my excitement, but as soon as I reported to the news, I had to rush back to Elliott’s side and focus on his immediate medical needs. 

Finally, the bleeding tapered off and I turned my attention to the cleanup.  As I scrubbed the blood out Elliott’s clothing, I kept hoping I’d hear more from Christian.  But when I finally collapsed into bed, there was no further information. 

Wednesday morning came.  Elliott had gotten through the night without any bleeding problems.  And we hadn’t gotten any more texts from Christian.  We both were thinking of Elisa, going through labor, and counting the hours since she’d had gone into the hospital.  It was hard to think of anything else.  Finally, around 4:00 on Wednesday afternoon, we got a phone call from a very tired Elisa with the news we’d been waiting anxiously to hear:  our granddaughter, Sylvia Margot Cheslak, had been born at 1:00 p.m.  The conversation was very brief but Elisa assured us that everything was fine. 

Today we spoke with both Elisa and Christian at greater length and saw the first photos of Mlle. Sylvie.  As you can imagine, we are thrilled beyond words!  Even though it was a few hours late, this is the best birthday present I’ve ever received.  

Unexpected Excitement

Life with Elliott is never dull.  We’ve had a few good days, if you discount the fact that our air conditioning stopped working Friday evening.  Fortunately, Elliott likes warm temperatures, especially since we couldn’t get anyone to come out and look at the system until tomorrow.  I can’t tolerate the heat so I arranged to spend most of the weekend out of the house.  

On Saturday, I was in DC on the National Mall with my friend Michelle (and about a million tourists – ugh).  We went to see the Gustave Caillebotte exhibit at the National Gallery of Art.  It was delightful to see his Impressionist paintings, especially since I’m not very familiar with his work.  His scenes of Paris life, portraits of friends, boating on the Seine, and market displays made both of us so nostalgic for France.  One of his most well known works, Paris Street, Rainy Day, traveled from The Art Institute of Chicago for the exhibition.  But the painting that set my heart a-flutter was Fruit Displayed on a Stand, on loan from Boston’s Museum of Fine Arts.  I stood in front of that painting on countless occasions during the decade I lived in the Boston area (1973-1983).

I was at the Workhouse Arts Center on Sunday for my fused glass class.  I’m working on some new photo transfers.  Matt was there, too, assisting the instructor.  He’s been accepted into the emerging artists program, which means he’ll have studio space in the Glass House.

Our houseguests arrived from Yorktown on Sunday afternoon.  It was much too hot to cook so I took everyone out to Wegman’s for dinner.  It was the perfect solution – pizza for Tyler, General Tso’s chicken for Matt, barbecued wings for Elliott, etc.  Shortly after we all settled down with our trays at a large table in the café area, someone cried out.  Everyone looked up.  Blood was pouring down Elliott’s face, flowing out of his nose at an alarming rate.  Within seconds, his shirt, vest and pants were drenched with blood. Elliott tried to staunch the flow by pinching his nose, but it continued to gush out.  Of course, he couldn’t keep the cannula from his oxygen concentrator in his nose and I was concerned about his oxygen level.  While I called 911, the others kept busy mopping up the blood with fists full of paper napkins.

The emergency responders arrived a few minutes later.  The bleeding tapered off soon afterwards.  They checked Elliott’s vital signs.  Aside from a stress-related spike in blood pressure, he seemed all right and decided to forgo transport to the emergency room.  I was impressed with how calmly everyone, including Elliott, dealt with the crisis.  We cleaned him up as best we could and headed home, where I stayed up late washing blood out of his clothes.  So, thank you, Elliott, for adding a little excitement to our evening!  

Elliott, after the bleeding stopped

Celebrating Independence and Seeking Equilibrium

The National Archives, all dressed up for Independence Day

Urban art from Peru

I didn’t travel far from home over the long Fourth of July weekend, but I made a point of expressing my personal independence.  Home is feeling more and more like a prison, and I came up with a multi-day escape plan.  On Friday, I took a solo trip into DC for the Smithsonian Folklife Festival. I would have preferred to go with a friend, but everyone already had plans so I went ahead on my own.  Once I was on the Metro, I was glad to have the freedom to do exactly what I wanted to do, without a single thought of anyone else – a possible sign of caregiver fatigue.  Since I had told Elliott not to expect me back home at any particular time, I had the whole day to spend as I chose.  I started with a lengthy visit to the festival, then a South American lunch break, and finally a quick stop at the National Gallery of Art.  By design, the day included a lot of walking.  In fact, I walked until my feet begged me to stop.  Here’s a run-down on the highlights of the day.

The Folklife Festival on the National Mall

The theme for this year’s festival was Peru: Pachamama (Mother Earth in the Quechua language).   The focus was on the diverse cultures from different regions of the country.  The entrance to the festival site on the National Mall was marked by a suspension bridge made of braided rope, typical of those found in the Andes Mountains.  There was a wide array of fascinating exhibits devoted to crafts, such as textiles, ceramics, painted tinwork, decorated gourds, retablos, and more.  I loved seeing the alpacas and watching a procession of dancers wearing masks and dressed in lavishly decorated costumes.   

Several different types of traditional and contemporary music filled the air.  Cooking demonstrations and music and dance performances were offered throughout the day.  Smells from the cooking demonstrations and food vendors tempted me but the long lines were discouraging.  Fortunately, the festival site was adjacent to the American Indian Museum.  At the museum’s Mitsitam Café, I continued the Peruvian theme with a spicy ceviche of shrimp and sweet potatoes, and a tasty dish of collard greens and corn. 

Then it was more walking, this time back across the mall to the National Gallery for a couple of their Patriotic Pop-Up tours.  These are short docent-led gallery talks that focus on paintings related to American history.  We viewed three works by urban realist artist George Bellows (New York, New York, Blue Morning, and The Lone Tenement) to get a sense of life in the big city in the early years of the 20^th century.  Allies Day 1917 by Childe Hassam portrays the exuberant national feeling of Americans supporting the French and British in World War I. 

New York, New York by George Bellows

Allies Day by Childe Hassam

On Saturday, the actual Fourth of July, I partied not once but twice with my friends Eleanor and Gary, who celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary with a poolside luncheon at their home and then a formal dinner at a lovely Fairfax City restaurant.  In between the two events, I worked with my friend Cindy on a patchwork quilt she’s making for Elisa’s baby.  This was my first experience with doing patchwork, and Cindy (an ESOL colleague) was an excellent teacher.  I look forward to practicing my newfound skills on some simple projects over the coming months.

Elliott received a special T-shirt at Eleanor and Gary's luncheon.

Sunday was devoted to an all-day trip to the Castleton MusicFestival, founded by the late conductor Lorin Maazel and his wife about ten years ago.  It took about two hours to reach the site of the festival.  At least I didn’t have to do the driving since this was a trip organized by the JCC.  It was wonderful getting away from suburbia and into the wide-open idyllic spaces of rural Rappahannock County.  We stopped on the way at an old tavern in the town of Flint Hill for lunch and then saw an afternoon performance of Gounod’s opera, Roméo et Juliette.  By the time I returned home on Sunday evening, I was satisfied that I had appropriately declared and celebrated my independence.  

This is the setting of the Castelton Music Festival.

Feeling relaxed at Castleton

The matter of independence was now settled, but I immediately recognized that I had created a new problem, i.e. exhaustion, resulting from several successive days of intense activity.  A sense of weariness, both physical and mental, swept over me.  I had originally planned to go out with a friend on Monday for a wine-tasting at a Virginia vineyard.  Instead, I decided to take a break.  I needed at least one day close to home to take care of the non-exciting tasks of daily living.

When I stopped running around, I gave finally myself time to reflect.  It seems like I’m constantly struggling to establish balance in my life.  I crave variety and thrive on new experiences.  My calendar fills up quickly, with dining out, cultural excursions, exercise classes, and more – all activities that I truly enjoy.  On the other hand, the pace leaves me drained and exhausted.  Do I have less energy because I’m older?  Is my body telling me it’s time to slow down? 

After spending some time thinking about this, I believe I’ve been subconsciously spending more and more time outside the house in order to get away from Elliott.  It’s not just physical distance, but an emotional or psychological distance that I need.  Because Elliott can’t go out on his own, he’s a constant presence at home, where he’s preoccupied with mortality.  I have to be on guard against his negativity and not allow it to infect me.  Instead of being a refuge, our house has become oppressive.  Consequently, I escape whenever I can.  Keeping busy certainly helps me forget my role as caregiver.  But as I now know, I need to modify this strategy so that there’s a better balance in my life.  The life-enriching activities and relationships outside of home can’t occupy all of my time.  I need to set aside quiet time and opportunities to reflect, rest and restore my energy.  Who knew that equilibrium would be so elusive?