Celebrating Independence and Seeking Equilibrium

The National Archives, all dressed up for Independence Day

Urban art from Peru

I didn’t travel far from home over the long Fourth of July weekend, but I made a point of expressing my personal independence.  Home is feeling more and more like a prison, and I came up with a multi-day escape plan.  On Friday, I took a solo trip into DC for the Smithsonian Folklife Festival. I would have preferred to go with a friend, but everyone already had plans so I went ahead on my own.  Once I was on the Metro, I was glad to have the freedom to do exactly what I wanted to do, without a single thought of anyone else – a possible sign of caregiver fatigue.  Since I had told Elliott not to expect me back home at any particular time, I had the whole day to spend as I chose.  I started with a lengthy visit to the festival, then a South American lunch break, and finally a quick stop at the National Gallery of Art.  By design, the day included a lot of walking.  In fact, I walked until my feet begged me to stop.  Here’s a run-down on the highlights of the day.

The Folklife Festival on the National Mall

The theme for this year’s festival was Peru: Pachamama (Mother Earth in the Quechua language).   The focus was on the diverse cultures from different regions of the country.  The entrance to the festival site on the National Mall was marked by a suspension bridge made of braided rope, typical of those found in the Andes Mountains.  There was a wide array of fascinating exhibits devoted to crafts, such as textiles, ceramics, painted tinwork, decorated gourds, retablos, and more.  I loved seeing the alpacas and watching a procession of dancers wearing masks and dressed in lavishly decorated costumes.   

Several different types of traditional and contemporary music filled the air.  Cooking demonstrations and music and dance performances were offered throughout the day.  Smells from the cooking demonstrations and food vendors tempted me but the long lines were discouraging.  Fortunately, the festival site was adjacent to the American Indian Museum.  At the museum’s Mitsitam Café, I continued the Peruvian theme with a spicy ceviche of shrimp and sweet potatoes, and a tasty dish of collard greens and corn. 

Then it was more walking, this time back across the mall to the National Gallery for a couple of their Patriotic Pop-Up tours.  These are short docent-led gallery talks that focus on paintings related to American history.  We viewed three works by urban realist artist George Bellows (New York, New York, Blue Morning, and The Lone Tenement) to get a sense of life in the big city in the early years of the 20^th century.  Allies Day 1917 by Childe Hassam portrays the exuberant national feeling of Americans supporting the French and British in World War I. 

New York, New York by George Bellows

Allies Day by Childe Hassam

On Saturday, the actual Fourth of July, I partied not once but twice with my friends Eleanor and Gary, who celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary with a poolside luncheon at their home and then a formal dinner at a lovely Fairfax City restaurant.  In between the two events, I worked with my friend Cindy on a patchwork quilt she’s making for Elisa’s baby.  This was my first experience with doing patchwork, and Cindy (an ESOL colleague) was an excellent teacher.  I look forward to practicing my newfound skills on some simple projects over the coming months.

Elliott received a special T-shirt at Eleanor and Gary's luncheon.

Sunday was devoted to an all-day trip to the Castleton MusicFestival, founded by the late conductor Lorin Maazel and his wife about ten years ago.  It took about two hours to reach the site of the festival.  At least I didn’t have to do the driving since this was a trip organized by the JCC.  It was wonderful getting away from suburbia and into the wide-open idyllic spaces of rural Rappahannock County.  We stopped on the way at an old tavern in the town of Flint Hill for lunch and then saw an afternoon performance of Gounod’s opera, Roméo et Juliette.  By the time I returned home on Sunday evening, I was satisfied that I had appropriately declared and celebrated my independence.  

This is the setting of the Castelton Music Festival.

Feeling relaxed at Castleton

The matter of independence was now settled, but I immediately recognized that I had created a new problem, i.e. exhaustion, resulting from several successive days of intense activity.  A sense of weariness, both physical and mental, swept over me.  I had originally planned to go out with a friend on Monday for a wine-tasting at a Virginia vineyard.  Instead, I decided to take a break.  I needed at least one day close to home to take care of the non-exciting tasks of daily living.

When I stopped running around, I gave finally myself time to reflect.  It seems like I’m constantly struggling to establish balance in my life.  I crave variety and thrive on new experiences.  My calendar fills up quickly, with dining out, cultural excursions, exercise classes, and more – all activities that I truly enjoy.  On the other hand, the pace leaves me drained and exhausted.  Do I have less energy because I’m older?  Is my body telling me it’s time to slow down? 

After spending some time thinking about this, I believe I’ve been subconsciously spending more and more time outside the house in order to get away from Elliott.  It’s not just physical distance, but an emotional or psychological distance that I need.  Because Elliott can’t go out on his own, he’s a constant presence at home, where he’s preoccupied with mortality.  I have to be on guard against his negativity and not allow it to infect me.  Instead of being a refuge, our house has become oppressive.  Consequently, I escape whenever I can.  Keeping busy certainly helps me forget my role as caregiver.  But as I now know, I need to modify this strategy so that there’s a better balance in my life.  The life-enriching activities and relationships outside of home can’t occupy all of my time.  I need to set aside quiet time and opportunities to reflect, rest and restore my energy.  Who knew that equilibrium would be so elusive?