February 5, 2017 – Troubling Times, Difficult Days
I’ve put off posting to my blog because these have been such
difficult days, in more ways than one. First
of all, I’m deeply troubled by the situation in our country. Over the past few weeks, I’ve become
something of a news addict. As a student
of history, I see disturbing parallels between what is happening in the U.S.
today and what happened in Germany in the 1930s. The bigotry and hatred that have been
unleashed trouble me greatly. On a
personal level, I feel threatened by the rising tide of anti-Semitism (including
the President’s failure to mention Jews on International Holocaust Remembrance
Day).
I love my country deeply and I worry about its future, especially
for my children and granddaughter. I
can’t sit by idly and simply hope that things get better. Along with many others, I have made a
commitment to speak out in defense of those rights and values that are so
important to me. I intend the continue
expressing my views through marches and demonstrations, phone calls and emails, contributions to organizations, and visits to government offices. We will undoubtedly face many challenges in
the coming days, and I sincerely hope whatever our political affiliation, we
can find the courage and strength to stand up for democratic principles and basic
human decency.
In a sense, obsessing about what’s going on in our country
(and the world) is preventing me from dwelling on the second reason these
recent days have been so difficult for me.
Ever since mid-December, my mind has been on a constant loop of “this
time last year.” It was a little over a
year ago when Elliott was diagnosed with a malignant tumor on his larynx and his
health began a swift decline. Each day,
I keep thinking back to the various doctors’ appointments, the hospital visits,
the blood transfusions. I mentally
replay our conversations, our hope and finally, our gradual acceptance that
nothing could be done to cure him. I see
him smiling bravely as he settled back at home for the last time in
mid-February 2016. And how I wish I
could have prevented the agony he endured during his final days. I can’t seem to wipe certain images from my
mind. One small consolation is the fact
that he doesn’t have to witness the trauma our country is going through now.
I knew last fall that these months leading up to the first
anniversary of Elliott’s passing would be difficult for me. I tried pre-emptively to schedule plenty of
activities to keep myself distracted. I
even went down to Florida for a week in January. It was very therapeutic to see family and
friends and to discover the beauty of the Florida Keys (another road trip with Gale). For a few relaxing days, all disturbing
thoughts were banished by great fresh seafood, warm gentle breezes, and relaxing
strolls alongside the omnipresent roosters through the quaint streets.
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| Sunset from Mallory Square, Key West, Florida |
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| On the road to Key West |
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| The chickens are everywhere! |
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| Lobster Benedict for breakfast in Key West |
My calendar has been filled with day trips and movies,
lunches and dinners with friends, various meetings and classes (exercise, Renaissance
art), work in the glass studio, and more.
I look forward to FaceTime chats with Elisa and Sylvie nearly every day.
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| Miss Sylvie (1 1/2 years old already) |
Reading keeps my mind occupied in the
evenings when I’m alone in the house. In
fact, I just finished my 7th book of the year. If you’re looking for something to read, I’d
like to recommend the prize-winning novel The Sellout, by Paul Beatty.
It’s a fiercely written and highly original novel that confronts issues
of race and identity in an extremely engaging manner.
I’ve also been picking up some new life skills. For example, this morning, I used an object (perhaps
an adjustable wrench?) I found in Elliott’s toolbox and replaced the rubber
gear in the Magic Bullet (a kitchen appliance) after watching a You-Tube “how
to” video. Now I’m off to do battle with
a clogged bathtub drain – armed only with a “snake” and a bucket. Although most of my friends said I should just
call a plumber, I knew Elliott (aka Mr. Do-It-Yourself) would be so proud of me
if I did it myself!
