Troubling Times, Difficult Days

February 5, 2017 – Troubling Times, Difficult Days

I’ve put off posting to my blog because these have been such difficult days, in more ways than one.  First of all, I’m deeply troubled by the situation in our country.  Over the past few weeks, I’ve become something of a news addict.  As a student of history, I see disturbing parallels between what is happening in the U.S. today and what happened in Germany in the 1930s.  The bigotry and hatred that have been unleashed trouble me greatly.  On a personal level, I feel threatened by the rising tide of anti-Semitism (including the President’s failure to mention Jews on International Holocaust Remembrance Day).

I love my country deeply and I worry about its future, especially for my children and granddaughter.  I can’t sit by idly and simply hope that things get better.  Along with many others, I have made a commitment to speak out in defense of those rights and values that are so important to me.  I intend the continue expressing my views through marches and demonstrations, phone calls and emails, contributions to organizations, and visits to government offices. We will undoubtedly face many challenges in the coming days, and I sincerely hope whatever our political affiliation, we can find the courage and strength to stand up for democratic principles and basic human decency.

In a sense, obsessing about what’s going on in our country (and the world) is preventing me from dwelling on the second reason these recent days have been so difficult for me.  Ever since mid-December, my mind has been on a constant loop of “this time last year.”  It was a little over a year ago when Elliott was diagnosed with a malignant tumor on his larynx and his health began a swift decline.  Each day, I keep thinking back to the various doctors’ appointments, the hospital visits, the blood transfusions.  I mentally replay our conversations, our hope and finally, our gradual acceptance that nothing could be done to cure him.  I see him smiling bravely as he settled back at home for the last time in mid-February 2016.  And how I wish I could have prevented the agony he endured during his final days.  I can’t seem to wipe certain images from my mind.  One small consolation is the fact that he doesn’t have to witness the trauma our country is going through now. 

I knew last fall that these months leading up to the first anniversary of Elliott’s passing would be difficult for me.  I tried pre-emptively to schedule plenty of activities to keep myself distracted.  I even went down to Florida for a week in January.  It was very therapeutic to see family and friends and to discover the beauty of the Florida Keys (another road trip with Gale).   For a few relaxing days, all disturbing thoughts were banished by great fresh seafood, warm gentle breezes, and relaxing strolls alongside the omnipresent roosters through the quaint streets.  

Sunset from Mallory Square, Key West, Florida

On the road to Key West 

The chickens are everywhere!

Lobster Benedict for breakfast in Key West

My calendar has been filled with day trips and movies, lunches and dinners with friends, various meetings and classes (exercise, Renaissance art), work in the glass studio, and more.  I look forward to FaceTime chats with Elisa and Sylvie nearly every day.  

Miss Sylvie (1 1/2 years old already)

Reading keeps my mind occupied in the evenings when I’m alone in the house.  In fact, I just finished my 7^th book of the year.  If you’re looking for something to read, I’d like to recommend the prize-winning novel The Sellout, by Paul Beatty.  It’s a fiercely written and highly original novel that confronts issues of race and identity in an extremely engaging manner. 

I’ve also been picking up some new life skills.  For example, this morning, I used an object (perhaps an adjustable wrench?) I found in Elliott’s toolbox and replaced the rubber gear in the Magic Bullet (a kitchen appliance) after watching a You-Tube “how to” video.  Now I’m off to do battle with a clogged bathtub drain – armed only with a “snake” and a bucket.  Although most of my friends said I should just call a plumber, I knew Elliott (aka Mr. Do-It-Yourself) would be so proud of me if I did it myself!