We're Still Here!

January 19, 2016 – We’re Still Here!

I want to start by reassuring everyone that Elliott and I have not relocated to another planet.  We are still here, and expect to be here for quite some time.  I’ve been feeling too overwhelmed to keep up with the blog, but I’ve continued to put thoughts into words on scraps of paper which, until recently, were scattered around the house or stuffed into my purse.  Phrases seem to pop into my head when I’m waking up in the morning, or taking a shower, or driving along Route 50.  However, whenever I considered writing a post, I found that I lacked the ability to concentrate for a long enough period of time.  As I remember telling my students on numerous occasions, writing is hard work.  It takes a lot of time, effort, and focus – which I haven’t had lately.  Honestly, I’ve been so distracted that I haven’t accomplished much of anything, with the exception of reading – six books finished since the beginning of January. 

Since mid-December, Elliott and I have been dealing with a new reality.  First there was the waiting and imagining, and trying to avoid fantasizing about the worst possible scenario.  In addition, while we were waiting for more information about the tumor on his larynx, Elliott was facing a second medical problem, i.e. severe breathing difficulty that was robbing him of his energy and the ability to do more than lie in bed all day.  The reason for this drastic change in his condition remained a mystery.  

After several tests in late December and early January, we finally got some answers.  On January 6, blood tests showed that Elliott was suffering from severe anemia, which accounted for his shortness of breath.  In this type of anemia, his bone marrow wasn’t producing enough oxygen-carrying red blood cells.  The hematologist recommended a transfusion of two units of blood.  After Elliott received the transfusion in the hospital a week ago, he started to feel a significant improvement in his breathing and energy level.  In the future, he will probably receive injections of a hormone medication to stimulate the production of red blood cells. 

As for the tumor, the biopsy results came back on January 7, and they showed that it was indeed cancer.  We met with the radiation oncologist the day after Elliott’s blood transfusion and discussed various treatment options.  After careful consideration, Elliott chose to go ahead with a full course of radiation therapy, which will have about an 80% chance of completely curing the cancer. 

Last week, radiation therapists made Elliott a custom face and neck mask that he’ll use during his treatments.  Next Monday, January 25, he will start the six-week course of targeted radiation.  During that time, he’ll be going to Fairfax Hospital every weekday.  The possible side effects should be minimal, and include sore throat, skin irritation and fatigue.  He’ll also be receiving speech therapy services to ensure that the radiation to his throat doesn’t affect his ability to swallow properly. 

This week, before the daily radiation treatments begin, we’re enjoying a bit of a break from medical appointments.  In contrast to a few weeks ago, our mood now is quite hopeful.  Before we reached this point, the stress of the uncertainty, plus Elliott’s increased dependency, had turned me into a person I hardly recognized.  From one minute to the next, I could go from feeling numb to feeling on the verge of a meltdown.  There were some really dark times when I couldn’t help screaming – and then I felt so guilty afterwards.  Mostly, though, I built a self-protective bubble around myself to avoid acknowledging the fear and worry and the very real possibility of loss.  I guess it was a defense mechanism that allowed me to go through the motions of everyday activities without falling apart.  Now I’m feeling an enormous sense of relief as well as hope for a brighter future. 

Elliott shares this positive outlook.  He has faced innumerable challenges in his 103 years, and time after time, he has summoned the will and strength to tackle the obstacles in his path.  I have no doubt that he’s ready to face this latest test.  I’ll keep you posted on his progress in the coming days.