Home Alone

 

Wednesday, February 29, 2012 – Home Alone

I’m home alone, and it's exciting!  This happens so rarely since Elliott can’t drive anymore.  But this evening, he’s out with “the boys” (a group of friends) for a few hours.  And I have the house to myself, which gives me the solitude I’ve been craving. 

A lot of thoughts have been going through my head during the past couple of days, and this morning, I started to get a better sense of why I’ve been feeling some anxiety about my retirement.  Early morning is my best time of the day for gaining insights, before all the mundane matters of daily life start to intrude on my brain.  When I was working, there were many days when I got up at 4:30 a.m. or earlier to write or work on my art.  Thank goodness I don’t have to do that anymore.  Nowadays, early morning means around 7 a.m.   In fact, today I didn’t wake up until – gasp – 7:30!  As I was lying in bed, stretching and listening to the birds, I heard a voice in my head whispering, “What right do you have to be lying in bed now when you should be at work?”  I recognized that voice immediately.  It was the voice of guilt. 

Maybe it all goes back to my deep-seated belief that a physically and mentally healthy person should contribute to the betterment of society.  But then I had to remind myself of the reason for my retirement.  It wasn’t so I could be on a permanent vacation.  It was to trade one job (teaching) for another (taking care of Elliott).  And in order to take care of Elliott, I have to stay healthy myself.  Now that I’ve provided moral justification for sleeping until 7:30, I can deal with how to spend my waking hours. 

There isn’t all that much “free” time.  Aside from the routine household responsibilities, I try to make sure Elliott has a well-balanced life.  That means taking him out not only for doctor’s appointments, but to movies, restaurants, museums, shopping trips, walks, visits with friends, etc.  As far as my own needs, I will focus on ways to maintain my physical, mental, emotional, and psychological well-being.  Over the next few days, I’ll be working on a list of activities and making decisions about how to prioritize them.