Dealing with Addiction

 

Wednesday, August 15, 2012 – Dealing with Addiction

I debated with myself for quite awhile before deciding to go ahead with that title.  Addicition is a serious topic, and I hadn’t anticipated writing about it when I started blogging.  I was fortunate in that I never had a problem with alcohol or street drugs.  My familiarity with addiction was based exclusively on hearing the stories of others – or so I thought.

I’d better start at the beginning.  It all began several years ago, in March of 2007, to be exact.  Part way through a nightmarish school year (nightmarish for several reasons, most of them related to changes in the administration at AHS), I found myself exhibiting signs of clinical depression, a diagnosis I made with the help of my brother, a psychiatrist.  He recommended an anti-depressant.  I was willing to try just about anything to help me get through this difficult period, so I started taking a daily dose of Effexor XR. 

The good news is that those pills really worked.  No matter how crazy things got at school, I felt like I could cope.  Since I felt fine on the medication, I continued taking it although, over the years, I suspected that I had become psychologically dependent on the drug.  The bad news is that I never considered the possibility that I might develop a chemical dependency, i.e. a true addiction. 

Fast forward to early 2012 when I became a new retiree.  My life, while not stress-free, seemed manageable.  I hadn’t felt any twinges of depression in months or years.  So I thought to myself, this would be a good time to give up those little pills.  And the summer, after the excitement of Elliott’s big birthday celebration had died down, would be the ideal time to quit.  My brother and my family doctor concurred. They drew out a plan for reducing the dosage gradually over the course of a month.  I marked the dates on my calendar, not anticipating any difficulties.  The withdrawal process got underway in mid-July.  Last Saturday, August 11, I swallowed my last “happy pill” and congratulated myself on making a successful transition to anti-depressant-free living. 

My euphoria didn’t last long.  Within 48 hours, I started experiencing some disturbing symptoms.  Most alarming was the feeling of lightheadedness that persisted throughout the day on Monday.  Since it intensified with motion, I found myself trying to minimize all movements.  Driving became problematic, particularly when I had to turn my head.  Soon after the lightheadedness appeared, I noticed other symptoms:  inexplicable muscle aches and pains, crazy dreams, anxiety, insomnia, and just a vague sense of malaise.  However, since I wasn’t depressed, I never thought these symptoms might be related to the withdrawal from my anti-depressant.

You may remember that I blogged about how I stayed up very late last Friday night with an unfamiliar hyperactive feeling.  That was minor compared to Monday night when I couldn’t fall asleep at all.  Everything seemed to worry me, and I finally got out of bed (for good) at 2:15 a.m.  Elliott was awake at the time (stomachache, back pain, etc.), and I told him I was tempted to order a pizza.  Yes, I was ravenously hungry.  But instead of giving in to my craving, I read a library book (Pax Ethnica), cleaned up some papers on my desk, and looked at maps of San Francisco on the computer.  After an hour, I wasn’t even starting to feel sleepy and I couldn’t ignore my hunger anymore.  I had a bowl of Cheerios and felt ready to start the day’s work.  Shortly before 6, I went out in the pouring rain to pick up the newspaper from the driveway.  I put a big pot of red lentils on the stove to cook with ginger, garlic, and exotic spices.  By the time Elliott awoke around 7, the house smelled like an Indian restaurant.  I still wasn’t tired, but I was totally baffled.  I’d have to call the doctor as soon as the office opened. 

In the meantime, after downing a second (or third?) breakfast, I sat down at the computer and googled Effexor XR withdrawal symptoms.  And there it was, a list of all the complaints that had been plaguing me.  I felt a sense of shock, quickly followed by relief that the mystery was solved.  I wasn’t suffering from a dread disease after all.  Rather, I’d become addicted to the Effexor and was having a pretty normal case of withdrawal.  And the symptoms, while certainly distressing, would be temporary. 

Fortunately, I made this discovery just prior to my lunch date with Elliott on Tuesday.  It’s DC Restaurant Week, and we’re doing our best to support the local economy.   The restaurant we chose, 2941, is not far from home but seems worlds away.  Tucked into a park-like setting, 2941 qualifies as a “special occasion” destination.  We’ve celebrated several birthdays and anniversaries here.  A perfect mingling of modernity and elegance, the restaurant features an imaginative menu using ingredients of the highest quality.  

  

Both of us started with the salad of heirloom tomatoes, tomato gelée, creamy burrata cheese and grilled red onion in a perfectly balanced vinaigrette.  For the second course, Elliott ordered the pork loin with peaches on a bed of polenta with arugula.  My choice was a seafood risotto with cod confit (salt cod) and delicate rings of tiny squid.  The desserts were amazing:  chocolate napoleon (a flourless creation) accompanied by housemade blueberry sorbet; and a deconstructed peach “cheesecake” enhanced by flavors of maple and pecans.  A pair of complimentary citrus-glazed beignets arrived with the check.  All in all, it was a scrumptious and totally satisfying meal.  

After lunch, I had enough energy to work with Elliott in our downstairs studio.  We’re exploring ideas and making sketches for a new series of paintings, which I’m tentatively calling The Why Question.  You’ll understand why when you see them.  Elliott’s vision still hasn’t cleared up completely, but he is healing well.  On Monday, the surgeon assured him that the blurriness was due to the antibiotic ointment he has to continue using in his eyes for another week or so.  The remaining stitches will be removed on the 28^th of August, just in time for the Labor Day weekend festivities (a couple of parties). 

The lightheadedness had subsided further by Wednesday morning, enough for me to venture outside for a mini-trek through the woods.  Decked out in my trail clothes and wearing fashionable yellow stretchy anti-mosquito coils on both wrists, I headed into the forest for twenty minutes or so of mindful walking.  I was grateful that my withdrawal was going well, and the experience has given me a newfound appreciation for the struggles of those working to overcome addiction to any substance.  

One day at a time, one step at a time, I thought as I made my way through the woods, past the plentiful reminders of the extreme storms that have torn through our area over the past couple of months.  Massive trunks and limbs littered the forest floor, and tall trees leaned precariously overhead.  I made it home safely, and noticed some storm-related damage right in our front yard:  the wooden house number sign, split in half and left dangling.  Hmmm, could this be a not-so-subtle hint that we should consider relocating?