Saturday morning - I just woke up and realized I’d gone to bed last night without that usual tingle of excitement that the weekend had finally arrived. There’s no more weekend to look forward to now that there’s no more work week. That cycle of workdays/weekend seemed so natural. The same is true for the annual cycle. For so many years, the school calendar automatically did this for me. The school year ran from late August until mid-June. There was an opportunity for a new beginning on a regular basis. And of course there was the highly anticipated summer break. Retirement has deprived me of this cycle. Perhaps that’s why I’m feeling a bit disoriented this morning. Maybe new ways of structuring time will emerge over the coming months. So far, these days of retirement have been quite busy. And looking at the monthly calendar page on my desk, I see that I’ve made plans for every single day next week. Do I have a subconscious fear of being idle and therefore slipping into non-personhood? The routine of an overly scheduled life still has me in its grasp. The real challenge here for me could be to break free of this mindset and allow time to unfurl without my direction.
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